


An Unlikely Matrimony

by pidgance



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Friends To Husband And Wife To Lovers, Weddings, You're doing it in the wrong order guys, background Sheith - Freeform, verging on crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2018-09-29 19:58:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10142807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pidgance/pseuds/pidgance
Summary: Imagine this: You're drifting through the endless void of space. No laws or logic apply to your actions anymore. What do you do?Pidge Gunderson would easily reply to that question with the simple act of murder. Fortunately she has friends to talk her out of that. And one particular friend who suggests something even better.





	1. The Revelation

**Author's Note:**

> [the post](http://pidgance.tumblr.com/post/157948180870/pidge-wakes-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-and)

The thought had come to her a couple of times in passing during their ever increasing time floating through the various galaxies. It had never stuck though, as something always arose to push it from the forefront of her mind. Leave it to her sleep-deprived, over-active brain to remind her of the idea.

She had just begun to doze off, in front of whatever algorithm she had running across her computer screen, when it hit her like a sack of bricks, except less painful and crippling. Without more than a second to compute her thoughts she was slamming her laptop shut and tanking down the corridor to the familiar set of rooms. Halting first at Shiro's room, she leant forward to press her ear to the door. It was a caution she had to take but once she heard the, albeit sad, mumbles the man usually made in his sleep, she continued on to her own room where she deposited her laptop and sat on the edge of her bed as she attempted to gather her thoughts.

“It needs to be something stupid,” she mumbled to herself in the dark, if anyone was to walk in now they would surely believe she was insane; she'd take that risk, “But it can't be something too stupid or I'll never hear the end of it from Shiro.”

Then it clicked, what she'd been missing. She needed an accomplice, someone to help her with the act. Her first companion of choice would be Hunk but knowing him he'd chicken out at the last minute, obviously she wasn't going to Shiro, and going to Keith was practically the same as going to Shiro.

That left her with one choice.

She made her way down the corridor with careful steps to her final destination, she then stopped and hovered by the door, listening intensely for any late night corridor wanderers. After all she'd almost pissed herself a couple nights ago when she ran slap bang into Keith leaving the kitchen just as she was about to sneak in for a late night snack. Content that there was to be no disturbances, she removed a panel by the sliding door and began tinkering away. Soon enough she heard a surprised yelp on the other-side of the wall. Loud enough to be heard through the door but not so loud as to wake up the entire vicinity.

Pidge raised her fist and knocked. Once. Twice. And she was about to a third time when the door slid open to reveal a disheveled Lance, squinting at her through the bright light of his bedroom.

“I knew you'd be behind this!” he pointed an accusatory finger right at the tip of her nose.

Normally she would retaliate with a snarky comment but due to the urgency of the situation she merely thwacked the boy's hand away and reached around to undo the changes she'd made to the wall panel. The lights in Lance's room switched off once more and with a firm hand on his chest she pushed him back through the door, following suite.

The door shut behind them and for the briefest of moments they were standing in pitch black darkness until Pidge's fumbling hand found the light dial, setting it to dim. Lance had been somewhat confused into silence.

“I had a revelation,” Pidge said in form of explanation.

“A what now?”

“I realized something. Something we could use to our advantage.”

“And this something is mind-blowing enough that you wake me up at some ungodly hour to talk about it?” Lance asked, eyebrows raised.

Pidge froze.

Shit, maybe she should have thought this through. The fact of the matter was that if she hadn't gone to him the moment she'd had the thought then it would have just disappeared again. Gone with the wind. Poof.

“Y-yes,” she answered, hoping Lance wasn't awake enough to hear how unsure she sounded.

To her relief, he wasn't.

“Ok. Fine. Shoot.”

“So we're in space,” Lance blinked at her and she decided she should proceed with haste, “And space isn't owned by any countries, not that I'm aware of at least, so that means there's no laws out here. It's like the same as when you're sailing on international waters. Which totally means I could kill you like right now and there would be zero consequences apart from maybe Shiro making frowny faces at me,” she concluded with a gasp.

Looking up she noted the blue paladin was looking understandably confused and concerned.

“Right,” Lance breathed out, “You've gone insane. Again.”

“I'm not insane,” Pidge snapped, taking a step forward and glaring up at the taller boy, “Don't you want to have some fun? Do something stupid? We're teenagers Lance. I want to rebel and where's the best place to do that but a place without laws!?”

“That doesn't mean you should kill me!?”

“That was just an idea off the top of my head,” Pidge corrected, “You wouldn't be my ideal target anyway. You're much to squirmy. But we can do something else. Like we could find whatever Altean equivalent they have to alcohol and get wasted?”

“Or we could totally get married,” Lance suggested jokingly, only to watch as Pidge's eyes lit up.

“You're a genius!” Pidge whisper-shouted.

“I am?”

“Imagine the look on the rest of the crews faces when they find out we're married! Shiro would lose it and I bet you good money Hunk will cry.”

“Okay that does sound pretty funny,” Lance admitted with a smirk, “But it's not like we can do it. Who would even officiate it?”

“Allura?” Pidge suggested only to scrunch up her nose at the idea, there was no-way the princess would be down for that.

Then it clicked simultaneously in both of their minds. Leaning forward with eager expressions.

“Coran!” they sang in unison, with Pidge tacking onto the end, “Knowing him he's probably a certified Altean priest... or something of the like!”

“Would he be awake at this time of night?” Lance asked seriously.

Pidge tilted her head to the side, considering the question before replying.

“I don't actually know if he sleeps to be honest. I tend to run into him a lot at night.”

“Should we go find him then?” Lance offered, crinkling up his eyes as if in hesitation.

“There's no harm in asking!” Pidge said, making to grab Lance by the wrist before pulling him from the room only to find he was more than willing to follow.

They must've spent all but five minutes of searching when they rounded the corridor to the control room only to find the Altean gentleman exiting through the door. He startled at their sudden appearance, throwing his arms up in a lame attempt at self defense.

“Uwah!” he yelled, “Who goes there!? I'll have you know I'm well trained in numerous forms of martial arts!”

“Coran, it's just us,” Lance greeted as Pidge rolled her eyes at the man's theatrics.

“Ah, right you are,” Coran straightened himself up, observing the teens before him, “What can I do to help? I must say it's rather unusual hours for even one of you to come seeking my council? Is it urgent!? Is it Allura!? Is she dead!?”

“The princess is fine, Coran,” Pidge interjected, “We actually came to ask if you'd marry us.”

“Marry?” Coran repeated, “Oh! That earthling tradition where you sign some paper and suddenly, BAM, you're bonded for life. Or until you sign another piece of paper! Well I'm sure I can find some kind of soul binding agreement for you to sign.”

“Really!?” Lance gawked, “How long do you think it will take you?”

“Hmm,” Coran twiddled with the end of his moustache in thought, “Probably just a few ticks! I'm sure I have some universally soul binding contracts stashed somewhere. Never know what might happen when you're saving the universe!”

“Right,” Pidge deadpanned.

The pair found themselves following after Coran. The only vague idea he gave them of where they were going was a sudden finger in the air and a bark of the word “Archives!” before he took off in front of them. They spent the entire trip casting somewhat concerned glances at one another until they finally found themselves standing in the doorway to a room with rows upon rows of shelves.

“It must be here somewhere,” Coran seemingly mumbled to himself before they both heard a, “Ahah! I've got it!”

A hand shot up in the air, clutching a bundle of papers and Coran came bustling back over to them.

“Now we can do this the quick way and just have you two sign the papers and be done with but I hear your folk like to hold a little ceremony. I'm more than happy to oblige if that's what you want.”

Lance looked over to Pidge who looked back and they found themselves locked in each others sights with the unspoken question between them. Pidge gave the answer in the form of a nod.

“We'll take the ceremony, Coran, my man,” Lance spoke for them, “But we'll make it a small one. Just the three of us.”

“And Kaltenecker,” Pidge announced earning her and incredulous look from Lance.

“That's a genius idea!” he gasped before turning back to the man, “You heard the lady. The three of us and the cow.”

“Is a cow a customary thing at an earthling wedding?” Coran inquired, his moustache twitching on his upper lip.

“Totally,” Pidge answered.

 


	2. The Union

They agreed to rendezvous with Coran back at the archive room roughly by the end of one varga. They took the time allocated to change into clothes other than their pajamas and to take a moment to gather themselves. Lance had left Pidge at her bedroom door, with her promising to see him shortly and informing him that she'd retrieve their pet cow.

This was how Lance found himself standing in his room trying to button up the only nice shirt he possessed with trembling hands. He could already feel the light sheen of sweat building up over the entire surface area of his body and he desperately willed it to go away.

The more he thought about what he was doing, the more ridiculously stupid the whole thing seemed. He didn't regret making the suggestion however. If he was going to do something this idiotic then he might as well do it with Pidge. They already co-owned a cow, what difference could marriage make to their friendship?

He managed to fit the final button into place, smoothing the wrinkles out of the shirt with the palm of his hand. The shirt was a navy blue thing he'd managed to haggle from Coran in exchange for teaching him some earthling “street lingo”. Being completely honest the exchange had been completely in his favour as hearing Shiro react to Coran saying “fuck,” for the first time was one of his highlights of being part of team Voltron.

Trouser wise, Lance only had his jeans, and the blue clashed horrendously with his shirt. Then the idea struck him, if he could just be quiet enough to sneak into Keith's room, he could snatch a pair of the red paladin's numerous black jeans. They would probably make his ass look great as well.

So Lance did just that. He tip-toed out of his room and down to the room next to his. With a deep inhale he clicked the button beside the door and it opened with a swish of air.

To reveal an empty room.

Lance blinked.

Once.

Twice.

Okay. Keith was probably just down in the training arena. The guy liked to push himself after all. It was probably for the best he wasn't currently present. Made the whole trouser theft easier for Lance.

Still ever the cautious one however, he sneaked further into Keith's room, stealthily glanced around before he spotted a pair of black trousers thrown half-hazardly on the the floor, then he swiped them up and legged it back to his room.

Checking his handheld device once the doors shut behind him he noted the time. He had about half a varga left so decided he could allow himself to take his time with tugging the trousers on. They fit snuggly over his legs considering the height difference between himself and Keith. He finished the look by tucking his shirt in, before twisting his neck to get a good look at his back and, yep, his ass did look great.

Satisfied with his appearance he decided it wouldn't do any harm to go back to the archive room early. Hopefully Coran would be waiting there and would be willing to chat for a bit. Or at least listen to him nervously yap away. He made his way there at a leisurely stroll, and once at his intended destination he ducked his head in to check the contents of the room.

Coran sat with his back straight, at a desk tucked in the corner of the room, contemplating the forms laid out before him with a furrow of his brow as he pinched at the end of his moustache.

“Hey Coran,” Lance greeted.

“Lance!” Coran replied ever so cheerful, “You're here early. Wasn't expecting you to return for another few dobashes at the very least”

Lance made his way further into the room with a shrug.

“Nerves I guess. Something wrong with the documents?”

“Nothing to worry about!” Coran assured him, “The universal script is just difficult to decipher. Obviously the princess and I both are versed in it. But 10,000 years in a cyropod does make one a little bit rusty.”

A soft cough came from by the door and Lance found himself pivoting on his toes to look. Coming eye to eye with Pidge who was decked out in a surprising amount of yellow. He hadn't been the only one to raid someone's wardrobe if the headband she had pushing her hair back and the one that looped around her waist to make the large yellow t-shirt look even more like a dress on her was anything to go by. Her glasses were also gone and Lance wasn't entirely sure he could cope with getting such a clear view of her face. She looked beautiful.

“Guess I wasn't the only one who couldn't wait to get started,” Pidge joked as she led Kaltenecker further into the room behind her, “You look nice, Lance.”

“Moo,” he hoped that Kaltenecker was agreeing with the statement and that he hadn't just been insulted by a cow.

“Shall we begin!?” Coran asked, leaping to his feet before Lance could even begin to form the words in which he could use to compliment the girl before him.

“Y-yeah,” he said instead, letting his eyes drift from Pidge to the Altean advisor.

They manoeuvred themselves into a somewhat tiered form, much like a triangle. Lance towards one side of Coran and Pidge to the other, Kaltenecker was to the left behind her, chewing at the hem of her shirt-dress.

“To all present I say: We are gathered here, not to witness the beginning of what will be, but rather to celebrate what already is! ” Coran stopped, frowned then looked to the pair in front of them, “I don't really know what comes after a greeting. It's been a while since I've performed such a bonding ritual. There's usually some form of speech and crying and music, right?”

“Something along those lines,” Pidge nodded, “There's also usually vows and ring-exchanging, followed by kissing and contract signing.”

She looked over to Lance when he made an incredulous noise. The green paladin had never seemed like the type to know a lot about weddings.

“I have a lot of older, married cousins,” she shrugged before turning back to Coran.

“Do you want to do your vows!?” Coran suggested cheerfully.

Lance went pale. Vows. Those were a thing. A thing he had thought about many a time. But usually when he said them in front of the mirror in his bedroom back home he would be thinking about some faceless girl. Usually they were about how bangin' and slammin' his future wife would be. Not that Pidge wasn't bangin' and slammin', he was just certain if he said those words in the same line of speech she would absolutely fucking deck him.

With a look to Pidge, he noted she appeared to be slightly lost in thought as well. Then a sort of light sparkled in her eyes and she locked her gaze on Lance.

“Follow my lead,” she ordered before taking in a deep breath, “Prepare for trouble!”

In that precise moment Lance knew that whatever anyone told him, no matter how mad Shiro got at the pair in the days to come that he wouldn't regret his decision. It had been fate that brought him to that crowded archive room with that eccentric Altean man and the young girl he'd once believed whole-heartedly to be a boy. He was certain the universe had always had this in store for him. From the very day he was born..

And with a sharp inhale and the acceleration of his heart rate he joined in with, “Make it double!”

“To protect the world from devastation!” came Pidge's voice sounding like the chirp of a beautiful songbird in his ears.

“To unite all peoples within our nation!”

“To denounce the evils of truth and love!”

“To extend our reach to the stars above!”

“Pidge!”

“Lance!”

“Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!”

“Surrender now, or prepare to fight!”

And together, in perfect unison, they shouted with gusto, “Kaltenecker! That's right!”

By the end Lance was panting hard from the sheer enthusiasm he'd put into his words and when he finally dragged his eyes away from Pidge's beaming face to look expectantly at Coran he found that the man was crying. Big, bursting to the brim, crocodile tears were tumbling down his cheeks as he blew his nose furiously into a handkerchief he'd seemingly pulled from nowhere.

“Don't mind me!” Coran said wetly, tears still tumbling from his eyes and gross sobs sticking to the back of his throat, “These are happy tears. I don't know how I can top that exchange. I suggest you two just give each other a big old smackaroo and we'll get on with signing the contracts.”

Before Lance could begin to compute Coran's words a hand came up to grab at the collar of his shirt and he was pulled down until he came to eye-level with Pidge. Feeling his cheeks heat up he attempted to prepare himself for the upcoming smooch fest, only to be surprised and slightly disappointed when all that came was a soft pressure on his cheek.

Pidge let go of his shirt, pulling away with a quirk of her head and a smile on her lips.

“What do you say, husband? Shall we make this thing legal?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yell @ me to keep updating this [here](http://pidgance.tumblr.com/)
> 
> next chapter (hopefully) : the crew reacts


	3. The Wedding Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if voltron was an anime it would be a reverse-harem and pidge would be the cute girl who has 2 deal with all the attractive boys throwing themselves at her who she honestly doesn't care 4 bc she just wants 2 hack computers and get into cool anime fights with zarkon. 
> 
> have sum sweaty keef. 
> 
> this chapter is bad

The newly-weds had mutually agreed that there was no need to consummate the marriage with a rambunctious wedding night. Not that Lance had been opposed to the idea, but he wasn't going to rush his little wife in anyway.

Wife, heh? The idea that him and Pidge were officially 'Mr and Mrs' sent funny tingles up his spine. Lance found himself wriggling around in bed in an almost frenzied sleep the small number of hours they had left to rest up. He couldn't help but wonder if Pidge in anyway felt the same. If only marriage brought along some sort of telepathic connection with it. Of course he could try wriggle his way through using the paladin bond but he once tried to do that to see if he could spook Hunk out by talking to him in his head but found himself caught hearing some rather explicit thoughts drifting around in the brain case of one red paladin. The details of which thoughts he would never share with anyone, ever, not even his brand new wife.

Seriously though, he really wanted to know if Pidge felt as good as he did.

Meanwhile down the corridor, tucked into the confines of her room, Pidge sat clutching Hunk's headband in between her hands as she tried to digest what she'd done. Granted the whole ordeal wasn't as bad as her original idea of murdering Lance, but it was a close second.

The whole thing had been a stupid idea. Her and Lance weren't even dating for Christ's sake!

Yes, sure she liked the boy and he did have a ridiculously handsome smile and when he hugged her he smelt like the ocean and he was always warm like the heat from the summer sun, but still! Marriage! She'd done a few dumb things in her life but she never thought marrying a guy on a whim would be one of them.

The best thing at the moment would be just to forget about it all, to sit back and work on whatever tech she had lying around, only problem was she was aching to move. Aching to run and jump and just hit things and yell. It was no use just cooping herself up in her room so she checked the time, figuring everyone else would still be in bed, and made her way down to training arena to hopefully slaughter a few training dummies and whip her thoughts back into shape.

Pidge had been foolish to think she would be the only one awake. The second the doors to the training room slid open she was greeted by the sight of one sweaty, shiny, panting Keith. A Keith who had apparently decided he had no need for a shirt and had discarded it on the other-side of the room. She wasn't exactly complaining, her fellow paladin certainly wasn't an eyesore. Then the moment was ruined when Keith turned to look at her in adrenaline pumped surprise and Pidge realised that she's a married woman now and she should not be having such unsavoury thoughts. So she did the only thing she could and averted her gaze as Keith made his way over to her.

“What are you doing up so early Pidge?” he asked when he stood about a metre away, his chest was shimmering, fucking shimmering, with beads of sweat and she had to gulp in order to calm herself.

“Oh, you know,” she waved her had in the air in that nonchalant way people tend to do, letting her eyes look at anything but Keith, “Finished up a little project of mine and figured it wouldn't hurt to let loose a little, kick some training dummy ass and all that shebang. Though I could ask you the same question! Thought you and Shiro were the types to stick to a strict training regime? And clearly you've been here for a few hours already. What's got you all hot and bothered?”

She didn't need to look at him directly to know he was frowning at her and she allowed herself a relieved sigh when he turned his back to her and gave an awkward little shrug.

“I could use the extra hours,” Keith explained, “I don't want to risk anyone else getting harmed because I'm not strong enough.”

Normally Pidge wouldn't eat up his bullshit like this, she could tell there was more bothering Keith than the incident that had took place only a few days ago, but figuring that she too was keeping something to herself, she let this one slide.

“If you say so,” Pidge replied, following after the red paladin as he fled further into the room, “Fancy giving a guy a few fighting tips though? I think I might be needing a few new ways to thrash Lance soon.”

It turned out she was right. As was evident by when she made her way trudging back through the corridors two hours later to hopefully shower and change in her room. She'd forgotten she was still wearing Hunk's 'borrowed' clothes but luckily Keith had either not noticed or chosen not to comment. It wasn't exactly unusual for her to steal her teammates clothes, Lance still mourned over the loss of his favourite shirt.

“What's yours is mine now asshole,” she mumbled to herself at the thought, sleep deprivation was beginning to kick in and she didn't register the tall figure approaching until he was right on top of her.

Literally.

“Good morning Mrs Blue Lion!” Lance greeted cheerfully as he draped himself across her back.

Pidge did not hesitate to thwack him.

“I'll kill you,” she grumbled in a vague threat as he fell limp on the floor beside her, “And don't go calling me shit like that.”

“But it's true,” Lance had pouted as he pushed himself up from a the floor and Pidge refrained from whacking him again simply for being the prettiest boy in the goddamn universe apparently.

“We don't need people knowing that we're married,” Pidge warned, continuing to adventure onwards as her, apparently, doting husband trailed after like a lost puppy.

“Why not? Coran knows, if we don't tell people then he most certainly will. Starting with the princess!”

Pidge groaned at the idea of Allura being informed of their silly midnight antics first. She could already imagine the disappointed stare followed by the lecture which would drag on for hours once Shiro found out and joined in.

Lance was right. She hated to admit it but they needed to tell the crew themselves. If they passed it off as something chill and not a big deal then hopefully the others would take it that way. There would still be the disapproving parent looks from Shiro, Allura, and heck, probably Keith too, but at least they would be able to shrug it off more easily.

“Okay,” Pidge sighed, letting her shoulders slouch further forward, “We'll tell them all at breakfast.”

“Alright!” Lance whooped beside her, punching a fist in the air.

“But,” Pidge interjected, earning a worried look from her new husband, “We have to tell Hunk first. If shit goes bad we need someone on our side. Plus he's our best friend. He deserves to know first.”

She wasn't exactly surprised when Lance agreed wholeheartedly, they were on the same page when it came to a lot of things apparently, i.e owning a cow, teaching Altean royalty swearwords, and of course, getting married in the middle of the darn night just for the hell of it. She could brood over how dumb it had been to marry the idiot, but they certainly weren't a bad match, although the rest of Voltron would probably disagree with that notion.

“Should we go tell Hunk now or should we wait until he wakes up?” Lance asked, realising they were nearing Pidge's room.

“I need to shower. I'm all sweaty from sparring.”

“The idea of being married to me got you that wound up huh? Couldn't hold back that raw energy and had to just release the beast?”

Pidge could feel Lance's shit-eating grin radiating off her skin.

“I will divorce you so hard I swear to god,” she threatened, hearing the blue paladin whimper behind her.

“Babe, no.”

“Don't babe me,” Pidge turned, aggressively poking a finger up at him, “Just, ugh, I don't know. Go do whatever Lance stuff you need to do and meet me back here in half an hour,” she turned only to pivot back to face him and second later, “One last thing.”

She tugged down on the edges of his dressing gown until he came face to face with her. His eyes round like saucers.

“It's Mrs Holt-McClain. Not Blue Lion.”

And with that she finally turned and left Lance as a helpless puddle on the ground.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM REALLY BAD AT UPDATING FICS AND THIS IS REALLY OOC I AM SORRY
> 
> I PROMISE AT LEAST HUNK REACTION NEXT CHAPTER
> 
> I HOPE SWEATY KEITH MAKES UP FOR MY BULLSHITTERY 
> 
> ALSO WOULD Y'ALL BE OPPOSED TO A BACKGROUND SHIP IN THIS?  
> JUST FOR SOME ADDED HUMOR AND DORKS IN LOVE IDK


	4. The Dilemna

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk

Unsurprisingly Hunk was soundly asleep, curled up in a cocoon of blankets on his bed. Lance took a brief moment to himself to appreciate the adorableness that was his closest and best bro-buddy. Pidge on the other hand did not seem to wish to bask in the yellow paladin's beauty and took no time in stomping over to the slumbering 'hunk' of a man, pulling the covers from him with a flourish.

Hunk awoke with a yelp, jerking upright and blinking at Pidge in shock. With a look of pure betrayal, he let his jaw fall wide to the floor and placed a hand tenderly over his heart. It was all too clear that he was hurt. Pidge merely shrugged tossing the blanket over to Lance, which hit him square in the face and sent him stumbling back a few steps before regaining himself.

“Alright, Hunk,” Pidge stated, slapping both hands on the larger boy's shoulders, “Wake up, buddy. We gotta tell you something.”

Hunk turned his gaze to Lance, raising his eyebrows high, both confusion and shock evident on his expression.

“This better not be like that time you woke me up in the middle of the night asking how you remove dye from clothes because Pidge had the 'wickedest idea yet',” he reminded them before pouting slightly and adding, “I couldn't look Shiro in the eye for weeks knowing I could've stopped you guys.”

“C'mon buddy!” Lance chirped in, sidling on over to the pair and slinging his arm around his best friend's shoulders, “Shiro with a pink fringe was hilarious! It totally complimented Allura's markings when he stood next to her. Besides, what we've done now is much worse!”

The sound of Hunk's stomach gurgling was all the tell they needed of their friend's discomfort.

“I'm going to regret asking this,” Hunk sighed, placing a hand on his gut, “But what did you two do this time?”

The newly-weds shared a look. Lance nodded. Pidge spoke.

“We may have, uh, well...” she fiddled her fingers together in front of her, “We're married!”

A loud gasp on surprise left Hunk as he clasped both hands over his mouth and stared wide-eyed at the pair. They both waited in stilted anticipation for his response.

“ _Really?_ ” Hunk squeaked, getting to his feet and looking between the two.

Wait a second... was he smiling? Lance could swear he was smiling. Never before had they told Hunk of their stupid shenanigans and had him smile. This was certainly unexpected, but also refreshing.

“Oh my quiznak you guys!” Hunk continued to shrill out, “When was this? Last night? I mean, yes, I'm deeply offended that you didn't invite me to attend but I'm sure you had your reasons and besides I didn't even know you two were together! How long have you been hiding this from me!?”

“Woah, woah,” Pidge intercepted, holding her hands up in mock surrender, “Slow down there buddy. No-one said anything about me and Lance being together.”

Hunk's smile fell, and Lance was extremely conscious about the way his eye twitched.

“Wait,” Hunk said, “So you guys just decided to get married? You don't like each other in the slightest?”

“You don't have to like a person to marry them,” Pidge replied, earning frowns from both of her male companions.

“Uh, yeah you do,” Lance found himself saying before he could think to stop his damn mouth.

“Oh boy,” Hunk groaned, sitting back down as he stomach began to growl once more, “It's too early in the morning for this, you guys. You're gonna cause me to up-chuck on an empty stomach and we all know that's not nice.”

Pidge sighed, sitting herself down beside her friend and patting him reassuringly on the knee whilst Lance stood off to the side, trying to fight down the blush that had arose out of his stupid, silly, idiotic confession.

“Sorry, Hunk,” Pidge said morosely, “Lance is right, we're best friends so of course we like each other. It's not like I'd marry Zarkon or something.”

Hunk snorted, raising an eyebrow at the girl.

“Could you imagine that?”

“Nope, never ever in a billion years ever,” Lance interjected, sitting to the other-side of Hunk, “Me and the Mrs are perfectly happy and there will be no talk of her leaving me for some evil emperor overlord. That whole line of thought is just gross and weird and like imagining me marrying Keith.”

“You and Keith wouldn't exactly make a bad looking couple, Lance,” Pidge pointed out with a smug grin as Hunk nudged him with a smirk.

“Dearest, sweetheart, moon of my life,” Lance huffed, “Please let us speak about the real issue at hand which is us and not my never, ever, in a million years happening, wedding with Keith.”

“I'm going to have to agree with Lance on this Pidge, buddy,” Hunk nodded, “Besides, who walked you down the aisle? I always imagined you'd want to be walked to the altar by like your dad or your brother.”

“Kaltenecker,” Pidge shrugged, “Wasn't dad walking me down the aisle, but at the same time it wasn't my dream guy at the end of the aisle either.”

Lance felt like his heart had dropped out of his chest, only to then be repeatedly kicked a hundred times by Pidge who was wearing lead boots, and then spat on, only to then be ground in the dirt slightly more, and then shoved down his throat and manoeuvred back into his gaping chest cavity. The short version being he felt like absolute shit. But Lance being Lance, he shook it off quickly and gave his wife the biggest grin he could manage.

“Well you're going to have to make do, babe.”

Pidge rolled her eyes at him and turned back to Hunk, allowing Lance to drop the facade for a second more and relish in the fact that he deserved to be beaten to a bloody pulp. He could ask Keith if he'd assist him later. If the red paladin wasn't busy. Who even knew what Keith did these days except train and mope?

“Shiro's going to kill you both,” Hunk then stated, breaking the silence plain and simple, “Well, more specifically Lance. I don't even think he'd even contemplate laying a hand on Pidge.”

“Why am I the only one he ever gets mad at?” Lance complained openly.

“Because I try my best to stay out of trouble, Pidge is like a little sister to him, and who even knows what he's got going on with Keith,” Hunk explained.

“What _does_ he have going with Keith?” Pidge asked, tilting her head to the side, “I mean, like, I thought maybe they were related but then this one time I accidentally caught them amidst one of their bro hugs and Shiro had his face buried in Keith's hair and I swear he was smelling it and it was all around really weird... I don't know about you guys but I've certainly never hugged any of my relatives like that.”

Hunk placed a gentle hand on Pidge's shoulder, silencing the girl. She blinked up at him as he sighed solemnly.

“That's a topic to broach another day buddy. First we need to figure out how to stop you both from imploding from the combined power of Shiro and Allura's disappointed stares when they find out what you've done.”

“Maybe Pidge should tell them she's pregnant?” Lance offered.

“Do you want to die!?” Hunk and Pidge yelled in unison.

“It's a miracle alien baby?” Lance continued, “Alien baby jesus.”

Hunk placed his other hand over Lance's mouth before he could spout any more weird and completely unnecessary shit.

“I think we should just come clean. Say that it was a dumb idea and a mistake on our parts,” Pidge offered instead, “Then we could ask Coran if there was maybe a way to annul the agreement. I mean it wouldn't be too hard. There's no laws in space after all.”

Lance slapped Hunk's hand away from his mouth, shooting up from where he sat and turning on Pidge with a frantic look.

“Less than 24 hours and you're calling for a divorce!?” Lance exclaimed, gesturing wildly around himself, “I know I'm not the ideal husband, but really Pidge!? Was it the pet names!? I can stop. I won't even rush you when it comes to sex, or even kissing! Hell, even holding hands!”

“Lance calm down,” Pidge tried to remain distant, standing up and trying to keep her voice level, “It's not about us or whether I want to be married to you or not, it's about the fact we did this on a whim. The fact this might put a block in between us and the rest of the team.”

“And what about a block between us!?”

Pidge was silent, contemplating his words before her shoulders drooped and she reached forward, tugging at the hem of his shirt before he came forward into her grasp and she was capable of wrapping her arms around him.

“You're an idiot,” she mumbled against his stomach.

“I'm your idiot,” Lance replied, dipping down to touch his lips to the crown of her head, mumbling against it, “And we'll deal with this like we deal with all our other escapades; together.”

Hunk aww-ed behind them as he attempted to be discreet about wiping the tears leaking from his eyes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.much.dialogue.  
> im sorry
> 
> ........................alien baby jesus
> 
> p.s/ i love hunk


	5. The Secret

The newly-weds had parted ways with Hunk at the door to the kitchen, the yellow paladin promising to make them something scrumptious for breakfast in order to commemorate the occasion.

“Where to now?” Lance asked, looking towards his wife.

“We need to find Coran,” Pidge replied, tapping her chin with her index finger, “Or Allura... or both.”

“Alluran?” Lance unhelpfully suggested, the annoyed look Pidge gave him was worth the effort however.

“Sure,” Pidge said, grabbing a hold of the taller boy's wrist, “Something tells me at least one of them will be on the bridge.”

Pidge was right of course, and it wasn't just one Altean lurking around the ships controls, but both.

“Pidge! Lance!” Allura greeted in a manner that was way too pleasant for such early hours in the day, “What brings you here so early? Is something the matter? Can I do anything to help?”

“You worry too much, princess,” Lance answered with his signature smirk, earning him a swift kick in the shin, a helpful reminder that he was a married man.

“We're here to talk to Coran,” Pidge supplied, making the royal advisor perk up slightly.

“I must say it's certainly a surprise to see you two up and about this early,” Coran said while adjusting his coat and giving the pair a look, “How did the we-”

“OH CORAN,” Lance interrupted loudly, practically leaping across the bridge to sling an arm around the Altean gentlemen, “Did I ever tell you how wonderful your moustache looks on you? Really brings out the blue of your markings.”

“I don't think you have...”

Pidge watched silently as Lance led the advisor from the bridge, about to follow suite before a hand on her shoulder stopped her. Turning, she found Allura watching the door shut behind the two men.

“I'm always here for you, Pidge,” Allura glanced down at the younger girl, “But I don't like it when you hide things from me. Especially when it's things concerning you and Lance.”

Pidge reached up to scratch awkwardly at the side of her neck, only to find the princesses hand in a way. She resigned to letting her arm flop down at her side and letting out an indignant groan.

“It's not like the last time,” she assured Allura, “I promise. Just... We're planning on telling everyone at breakfast. I swear.”

Allura cocked a brow at the girl but eventually pulled back, giving a small nod.

“Whatever is going on, I trust you to do the right thing,” Allura said, although Pidge was finding it hard to believe her, “As long as it doesn't involve Shiro... and Keith... again.”

Pidge couldn't help but scoff at the memory of one of her and Lance's more recent pranks. The pair had been talking about how tiring it was seeing their fellow paladins dance around their feelings for months now. It had been then that the genius idea to handcuff the pair together had spawned in their brains. They'd forgot to take into consideration that Shiro had a laser arm however, which made breaking out of cheap metal handcuffs considerably easier than it would be for the average human. Shiro had broken through the link almost the second the handcuffs were clapped shut. That should've been the end of it, only Keith took it the wrong way thinking that Shiro didn't like the idea of being chained to him. The space between the best bros had only grown more distant that day. Both Pidge and Lance had regretted their decision immensely. It was, however, still amusing to watch Keith sulk because Shiro didn't want to be handcuffed to him. And it was even more funny to watch Shiro chase after the younger man, trying to explain that it wasn't that he didn't want to spend time with him.

“It's got nothing to do with Shiro and Keith,” Pidge promised Allura, “We learnt our lesson not to meddle in the affairs of those two. This is all just... me and Lance.”

“And Coran it would seem,” Allura stated with a meaningful look at the door.

“Ah,” Pidge mumbled, following her line of sight, “I should probably go to them... Lance will be-”

“Go on then,” Allura intercepted with a smile, “I expect the full story at breakfast however.”

“You'll get it,” Pidge told her as she backed out the door, relishing in the fond smile the princess laid upon her.

She was glad that they'd been able to put their differences aside and become friends, that everyone in the castle had been able to.

Caught in her own thoughts she didn't release she was rounding the corner of the corridor until she saw Lance dramatically flapping his hands at Coran.

“You look like you're performing a mating ritual,” Pidge said in order to announce her presence, watching with amusement as Lance stopped the hand flapping and shoved the appendages into his pockets.

“What took you so long?” he asked her with what had to be the most adorable pout.

“Allura just wanted to make sure everything was alright.”

“She's considerate like that! Isn't she!?” Coran chipped in, moustache bristling.

“Sure is,” Pidge replied before turning back to Lance, “You explained the situation yet?”

“I've tried to...” Lance admitted, eyes downcast, “I just can't explain it without it seeming like -”

“From what number 3 has told me, I'm under the impression that you two didn't mean to get married and it was instead a joke on your parts,” Coran explained, “But I'm afraid the jokes on you! Those contracts are soul binding, a bind has been connected between you that can never be broken! Unless of course one of you dies by the others hand!”

“Wait, dude, seriously?” Lance asked, eyes widening as Coran nodded, “That's messed up.”

“Well luckily,” Pidge butted in, pushing Lance out of the way so she could stand on her tiptoes and look Coran Coran the gorgeous man in the eyes, “We don't want to end our soul bound. We just want you to keep a tight lock on the fact that we're married until we tell everyone at breakfast.”

“Well paladins, I suppose that's something I can attempt.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no excuse for why this took so long...
> 
> i need more allura and pidge interactions


	6. The Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally just wrote half of this... and i'm drunk... so i'm sorry for any mistakes... i'm posting this now but i'll come back and edit it when i'm sober! (so enjoy this drunken mess of a chapter for the now!)
> 
> edit: i've now come back whilst sober and there is hopefully less mistakes B)

“What's the occasion?” Keith had asked Hunk nonchalantly as he'd slipped into his seat behind a massive stack of pancakes.

“Oh, you'll see,” Hunk had replied ominously before rushing back through to the kitchen.

Lance couldn't help but snicker at Keith's helplessly confused look. He stopped however when he noticed Pidge wringing her hands nervously underneath the table.

“You alright, pumpkin?” Lance asked in a hushed tone.

Pidge shuddered slightly before scrunching up her face and pushing him back up and out of her personal space.

“It's nothing,” she replied quietly, before proceeding with, “Just, what if Shiro gets mad? Or Allura gets mad? Or Keith gets mad? Or they all get mad and boot us off the team and they send us off in a space shuttle to aimlessly drift around space? What would we do then? Where would we go? How would I ever find Matt if I'm stuck in a space shuttle with you?”

“Pidge,” Lance sighed, placing a hand on her shoulder, “They wouldn't send us out alone in a shuttle. If anything they'd open the airlock and let us get sucked out into the vacuum of space.”

“That's not helpful,” Pidge deadpanned, shrugging off his hand just as Hunk came back in the room with even more pancakes, a syrup, and Shiro.

Oh god that's Shiro.

Lance felt himself tense up at the sight of the team leader. He subconsciously found himself reaching for Pidge's hand, nestled in her lap, and squeezing it tight. Pidge squeezed back. They were on the same page, that was good.

“What's the occasion?” Shiro asked, taking a seat beside Keith.

Pidge and Lance both shared a look. So predictable.

“I already asked,” Keith explained, “I got nothing.”

“Must be something,” Shiro added, eyeing up the syrup bottle that Hunk plopped down in the centre of the table before he took his own seat.

“You'll find out when the princess and Coran get here,” Hunk told them, before he sent a wink at Lance.

Keith glared, first at Hunk, then at Lance, then at Pidge, then back to Lance where he settled his gaze.

“This better not be like the time you surgically removed Coran's moustache and superglued it to me,” Keith said, reminiscing about the week he spent with a ginger moustache secured to his upper lip.

Lance swooped down to grab his fork before lifting it up in the air and pointing it at the red paladin's face.

“That was hilarious! Admit it!”

“I'll give you points for creativity,” Shiro said, “But put the fork down.”

Lance put the fork down. He felt his arm vibrating slightly and looked to his side to find Pidge suppressing a laugh. He could feel himself light up. He'd made her laugh!!! She wasn't looking like a petrified bunny anymore!!!

Of course his natural high was short lived when Allura and Coran entered the room.

“Ooh,” Allura eyed the pancakes with curiosity, “What are these?”

"Pancakes,” Hunk told her, “And I assure you, princess, that they are delicious.”

Allura slid into her chair at the head of the table, Coran taking his place beside her.

This was it, Lance realised. The moment of truth. They were about to make history. The first paladins to ever get married. Unless... Were the original paladins married to each other?

No, Lance reminded himself, Allura would have told them if King Alfor and Zarkon had been married. He found himself side-eyeing the princess. She wouldn't keep that from them...

A swift jerk of his arm brought him out of his thoughts, as well as Hunk clearing his throat and raising his juice cup.

“To the bride and groom,” Hunk announced.

The dining hall went silent. Lance started sweating, Pidge was definitely sweating if the palm of her hand was anything to go by. Who knew someone of that size and stature could secrete so much? Eventually Pidge tugged her hand free of his, standing up with her back ram rod straight.

“That's us,” Pidge said, gesturing between herself and Lance, “We're the bride and groom. We got married.”

“WHAT!?” Shiro shot up from his chair across from the pair, eyes round and mouth gaping open.

This was it, Lance thought as his life flashed before his eyes. He saw himself as a boy on Varadero beach, dipping his toes in the water, splashing water at his sister. He remembered his sweet baby niece and the first time he'd held her in his arms. And his troublemaker nephew who his sister had scolded him for being a bad influence for. Memory after memory soared through the air before him. Good bye cruel world, Lance telepathically said his goodbyes, hoping someone somewhere was listening to him.

“Is that what was bothering you this morning?” Keith asked, grabbing a hold of Shiro's sleeve before the man could jump the table and decapitate Lance, “You seemed on edge, as well as the fact you weren't wearing your own clothes.”

Pidge nodded, taking her bottom lip up between her teeth. Lance had to pull his gaze away from those perfectly pink lips, now was not the time for him to be thinking about how soft they might be under his.

From the top end of the table Allura let out a long, hard sigh. She held her head in her hands and Lance couldn't help but feel guilty for being one of the people who put her in that state.

“How on Altea did the both of you manage to get married?” the princess asked in an exasperated tone.

Lance looked over to Coran, so did Pidge. The Altean advisor refused to meet their eyes, twiddling his moustache as he looked off into the distance, clearly not wanting to be pulled into whatever chaos was going on.

“Coran!” Allura and Shiro groaned simultaneously.

Keith still had a tight grip of Shiro's sleeve... No wait, it had turned into a tight grip on Shiro's hand. Aw, that was cute.

“Don't look at me!” Coran exclaimed, “They came running up to me in the early hours of the day begging to be bonded for eternity! I had no other choice!”

“Hey!” Pidge retorted angrily, nostrils flaring, “You didn't have to marry us! It's not like we threatened you at knife point!”

“It doesn't matter what Coran did or what you did or what Lance did, Pidge,” Shiro interrupted the quarrel, “What matters is that you're only 16. You're not old enough to be married to anyone. Especially not to Lance.”

The last comment was a stab through the heart for Lance. He could physically feel his ego shattering around him. With the last ounce of strength he had before complete K.O he pulled himself from his seat and swung his arm around his tiny, cute, perfect wife.

“Well,” Lance said, staring Shiro dead in the eye, “We're already married. There's no changing that.”

“Wait!” Allura shouted, appearing to have been suddenly hit by an epiphany as she shot out of her seat at the table and latched her hand around Coran's arm, “The documents! Bring me the documents!”

“Yes, princess,” Coran nodded, backing out of the room, “Right away!”

The wedded pair watched as the royal advisor full on sprinted from the room. They'd never seen Coran move so fast. Lance took note never to race Coran, unless he wanted to eat dust and be utterly obliterated.

“What about the documents?” Shiro asked the princess, an eyebrow raised.

“Depending on the type of contract... there might be a way to annul the marriage,” the princess stated with a coy grin.

“No!” Pidge and Lance yelled in unison, gripping on to each other tightly.

Lance didn't know about Pidge, but he wasn't going to let their marriage be put to and end so easily. They wouldn't be going down without a fight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE GOTTA FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT FOR THIS LOVE! IF IT'S WORTH HAVING IT'S WORTH FIGHTING FOOOOOOOR
> 
> p.s. (this fic is sort of semi crack so i'm going to use that as my excuse for writing this whilst drunk)  
> p.p.s. (i love u guys and thank u for reading this fic and commenting and liking and u make this drunk bi boy so happy)  
> p.p.p.s. (i'm drinking vodka, raspberry schnapps, and monster energy ultra (it tastes so good 10/10 would recommend if you like ur alcohol to not taste like shit))


	7. The Conclusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't update until now because i'm a horrible person.  
> this was mean't to be the last chapter but there wasn't enough pidge and lance being lovey-dovey in it for me so i will have to post an epilogue... eventually... heh

“Hunk, did you know about this?” Shiro asked from across the table, head cradled in his hands.

Pidge would feel sorry for him if he wasn't trying to break up her less than a day old marriage with Lance. Dude really couldn't catch a break.

“Well, er, you see, Shiro... They only told me about it this morning and I was just so happy and even though they weren't dating before I knew that Pidge had a massive crush on – Ow Ow Ow,” Hunk was cut short by a sharp kick to the shin under the table from Pidge, “Alright, Alright, I'll stop talking.”

“Look, Shiro,” Lance took the reins of the argument, wearing his signature smolder and letting his voice run thick like honey, “Me and Pidge being together isn't going to affect us as a team, just like the fact that you and Keith dating doesn't affect us.”

“We're not dating,” Keith interjected almost immediately, “Shiro's like a brother to me.”

Lance looked over at Pidge, eyebrows raised. She returned the look with added exasperation.

“Yeah and Pidge is like a sister to me,” Lance replied mockingly, looking back to Keith, who frowned in confusion.

“Clearly she's not. You wouldn't marry your sister.”

“And you wouldn't bone your brother so shut your quiznak you-you-you bonehead!”

“I'm not a bonehead!” Keith attempted to rise up from his seat only to have Shiro shove him right back down with a firm hand on his shoulder.

“Calm down. The both of you. Shouting about this won't help,” Shiro told the bickering pair, still holding Keith in place despite the boy being complacent.

“Says the guy who got mad earlier,” Pidge scoffed a bit too loudly.

“And I'll have none of that sass, Pidge. You're already on thin ice after this stunt,” Shiro scorned her.

He may have managed to school his temper but Pidge could easily tell he was still pissed. She shifted in her chair before settling back down when Lance reached out to give her hand a squeeze. In her heart she knew that being divorced from him would be way more of a pain than being married to him.

“There'll be a way to fix this,” Keith added once the stiff silence between them all had gotten too much to bear.

“What? Like divorce?” Lance huffed back, squeezing hard on Pidge's hand as he leant forward to glare at Keith across the table.

“More like annulment,” Keith replied.

“I'll show you who'll get annulled, buddy-”

“Lance, that's enough,” Shiro interrupted before the argument could escalate again, he continued, “Keith's right. Your marriage, or whatever it is you two have signed into has to be annulled. Neither of you are old enough, let alone responsible enough, to be legally bound in such a commitment.”

“What if they had a trial period? You know, see if they do marriage well, and if they don't... we can work something out?” Hunk suggested halfheartedly, Pidge appreciated the sentiment nonetheless.

“I have a better idea!” Lance piped up all of a sudden, causing both Pidge and Hunk to groan in unison, “What if Shiro and Keith also get married,” he continued before either could protest, “And Hunk and Allura can get married as well! Then everyone is married and committed and no-one is left out!”

“What about Coran?” is surprisingly the first thing that came out of Pidge's mouth,

“Oh yeaaaaaaaaah...” Lance took a moment to ponder the question before pointing a finger up into the air, “Is Slav still around?”

“NO!” Shiro all but yelled as he shot up from his seat and slammed his hands down upon the table.

“That's a horrible idea,” Keith added beside him.

“Yeah, you had me up until Slav and Coran,” Hunk admitted sheepishly.

Lance turned to look at his darling wife expectantly, bottom lip jutting out into a pout.

“Pidgey Pidge?”

Pidge shook her head.

“Sorry Lance. I've got to side with the others. Even the idea of Slav and Coran is giving me the shivers. And I hate being cold! Plus I doubt Keith and Shiro are ready for marriage.”

“You don't know that,” Keith said whilst crossing his arms.

“Well according to you, you're not even dating,” Pidge pointed out, mimicking Keith as she crossed her arms.

“This isn't about me and Keith,” Shiro intervenes once again, saving Keith the embarrassment of having his ass owned by Pidge.

Pidge and Lance secretly low five under the table.

But of course all discussions must come to an end, and the end of their conversation came in the form of Allura and Coran carrying the familiar contracts from the night before. They were thicker than Pidge remembered, but that should be a good thing, it would mean it would take them longer to find a cause to break her and Lance apart.

“Good news,” Allura addressed the room, placing the stack on paper she was carrying down onto the table before her, “We have the contracts.”

“And the bad news?” Keith and Shiro managed to ask in perfect unison.

Allura chewed on her bottom lip, looking sheepishly back at Coran before turning back to her audience.

“I've never seen these contracts before. Let alone know their origin,” she told them as her shoulders drooped forward.

“Hah!?” Lance rose from his seat, glaring daggers at Coran, “You said that they were universal soul binding contracts... or something like that...?”

“Well,” Coran didn't make eye contact, instead twiddling his mustache and staring at a random spot behind Lance's head, “I may have lied about that... And just found a random pair of contracts for the two of you to sign.”

“CORAN!?” the whole room yelled out in a mixture of frustration, anger and worry.

“I can fix this!” Coran attempted to reassure the mass, “All I need is a writing utensil and some space-ink!”

“To do what?” Pidge squinted at the adviser as she stood from her seat, a plan brewing in her head.

“We can change the names on the contract!” Coran suggested, “Problem solved.”

“You want to change the names on our marriage contract?!?” Lance squawked, leaping from his chair, “You can't do that! Those are our names! That we wrote! Ourselves!”

“We don't even know what kind of contract it is, Lance. And they're the names you're going to change,” Allura gave him her best reprimanding look, before turning to Coran, “Good idea, Coran. Go get a pen. Quickly.”

Pidge gave a tug to Lance's sleeve. Pieces of the puzzle she had been trying to work out finally slotted together. Lance looked down at her with a questioning glint in his eye, leaning down when she beckoned him to do so. She cupped her hand to hide her mouth.

“When I say 'Shiro', run to the airlock. I'll be right behind you.”

Lance pulled back, frowning at her in confusion. She couldn't help but notice the way his tongue darted out to wet his lips. She pulled him back down.

“Trust me,” she added, giving him a peck on the cheek for good luck.

When she pulled away Lance was flushed red from head to toe. She could get used to him being wrapped around her little finger.

“I don't like it when you two whisper to each other,” Hunk complained, “It always means something bad is going to follow.”

“I hope you two aren't planning anything,” Shiro added.

“What,” Pidge gasped dramatically, bringing a hand up to her chest, “I would never! You always expect the worst in people... Shiro.”

With the final word spoken the newly-weds leapt into action. Lance, who had seemingly been waiting for his queue with baited breath went skidding from the room. Pidge only just managed to catch a glimpse of Keith speeding out of the room after him as she vaulted the table. Right as she dived to grab the contracts Allura latched onto them.

This was not going to end well, Pidge thought as her hands closed around the opposite edge of the papers to where the princess had took a hold of them. Pidge was overtly aware of how Shiro was rushing from his seat to help the princess, she would only have a matter of seconds to end the scrap between them before she had no chance of winning. Luckily for her, Hunk had frozen in his seat, entirely unsure of what to do or who to help.

With Shiro narrowing in on her, Pidge did the only thing she could think of. She jumped. Well more like vaulted. Using the table for leverage, she leaped forward, flying over Allura's head whilst twisting in an attempt to free the contracts from her grasp. The majority of pages came loose from Allura's grip and Pidge made sure to keep a tight hold on them. She didn't manage to get as many pages as she'd wanted but she got enough to make a difference.

With a quick shout of, “Sorry!” She tore from the room, following the path of her husband, and unfortunately Keith.

Skidding down the final corridor Pidge was surprised to find that Lance and Keith weren't fighting but merely conversing loudly beside the airlock control panel. Lance noticed her first, placing a hand over Keith's face and using it to push him to the side. Then Lance seemed to notice the large stack of papers Pidge was clutching to her chest as she ran.

“Why didn't I think of that!?” he exclaimed as she skidded to a stop beside him.

“Just shut up and open the airlock!” Pidge demanded, hopping from foot to foot, aware that Shiro and Allura could come charging up the corridor after her at any moment.

The doors to the airlock began to open at an agonizing pace. Allura came barreling round the corner right as Pidge slid the papers through the gap in the door.

“Close them!” Pidge ordered despite throwing herself at the console herself and typing in the commands.

“Pidge! No!” Allura cried, collapsing to her knees as the doors to the airlock closed and the contract was promptly blasted off into the dark depths of the void that is space.

Shiro rounded the corner, shortly followed by Hunk and Coran, to see the princess on her knees on the floor, staring at the trio that stood beside the control panel.

“Keith?” Shiro said, almost a whisper as he made his way further up the corridor, “Did you help them?”

“Shiro... I didn't want to see the team get torn apart from the inside out just because you don't understand that some people are actually capable of being committed.”

Pidge felt her jaw drop to the floor and she was certain her expression perfectly mirrored everyone but Shiro and Keith's at that precise moment.

“Keith! Holy shit buddy! Did you- did you just deliver a sick burn?” Lance slapped Keith on the back earning him a disgruntled look from the boy.

“Whatever,” Keith replied, rubbing at the spot on his back where Lance hit him, “'I'm going to go train.”

The group gathered in the hallway watched as Keith slunk off down the corridor, all still slightly shocked that Keith actually had the guts to talk back to Shiro.

“I should...” Shiro begun, blinking rapidly whilst opening and closing his mouth in confusion, “I should probably go talk to him... Princess... Will you be okay?”

“I'm fine, Shiro,” Allura said, swatting away the hand offered to her in order to stand on her own, “Go talk with Keith,” she turned to glare at the couple by the airlock, “I'll deal with these two.”

Shiro nodded before jogging off down the corridor in the direction Keith went. Hunk let out a low whistle as he disappeared around the corner.

“That's not going to be good,” Hunk sighed as he and Coran joined the princess in front of them.

“Better out than in, that's my motto,” Lance smirked before yelping when Pidge jabbed him under the ribs.

“Now is not the time for Shrek quotes,” Pidge scolded.

“It's always the time for Shrek quotes,” Lance replied.

“I don't know who this Shrek is but you two are in seriously trouble,” Allura said before all five of them almost leapt out of their skin due to a vent falling down from the ceiling.

“Hello,” greeted Slav as he dropped from the vent he had been lurking in during the entirety of the confrontation in the corridor, “I knew this day would come.”

“Oh quiznak,” Lance sighed, rubbing at his temple, “What day?”

“Well,” Slav said, holding up three fingers, each on a separate hand, “I calculated that in this reality there was a 99% chance of the blue paladin and the green paladin falling in love-”

The second Slav finished his sentence a fist collided with his face, sending him flying into the furthest away wall at the bottom of the corridor. Everyone turned to look at Allura in surprise. The princess stood, hand curled into a tight fist, arm outstretched, and a vein just about ready to pop out of her forehead.

“I hope there's an alternate reality where I don't get punched!” Slav yelled from where he lay in a limp pile of limbs at the end of the corridor.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt plan this fic at all hence why its all over the place; it's basically just a really long shitpost that i add to every few months
> 
> i wanted someone to get punched in this fic and slav offered himself as tribute to me in a dream...
> 
> this chapter sorta had ~heavily implied~ sheith so i'm sorry if that's not your cup of tea - i just wanted lance and pidge teasing keith about his "crush" because it seems like something they would do - in this fic it's mostly a one-sided thing than a mutual thing
> 
> also extremely lowkey hallura because i absolutely love it


	8. The Family Reunion

“So,” Pidge said, skidding to a halt in front of her bedroom door, Matt in tow, “There's something important I need to tell you.”

“Something more important than being the Green Paladin of Voltron?” her brother replied, eyebrows raised.

She gave a hum of confirmation before pressing the panel next to the doors which slid open to reveal the room. Lance lounged back on the double bed, fiddling with a device of Pidge's own creation whilst the TV they'd managed to rig up blasted out some strange alien soap opera.

“Oh hi Lance,” Matt greeted as he followed his sister into the room.

“Hey Matt,” Lance grumbled, angrily jabbing something into the device's keypad.

Pidge suspected he was having another “friendly debate” over text with Keith.

“What's the big news then?” Matt finally asked, after having taken in the entirety of the room.

“Well,” Pidge announced, pivoting on her heel to face him, “I'm married!”

She raised her left hand in the air, flashing him in the face with the small silver band around her ring finger, a single small emerald encrusted in the middle of it. Matt's jaw hit the floor. For a solid ten minutes Pidge thought she had somehow managed to break him, as he just stood there staring at her, mouth open and eyes blinking rapidly.

“Woah! You're married!?” Matt suddenly exclaimed, causing Pidge to yelp as he took a hold of her shoulders and jostled her about, “My little sister is all grown up! Who's the lucky guy!?”

Pidge noticed Lance shift awkwardly from where he was still lounging on the bed, pretending not to be eavesdropping.

“Prince Lotor,” she deadpanned, staring Matt dead on as his bright eyed wonder faltered.

He began to drag his hands slowly off her shoulders, eyes studying her face for any sign that she was joking.

“I'm just messing with you it's Lance,” Pidge finally caved when Matt still appeared to be extremely unsure of whether she was telling the truth or not.

However the look hadn't dissipated, even with the truth now out there. It was a moment before Matt scoffed and folded his arms.

“Come on. Tell me who it actually is.”

Pidge's jaw bobbed open ever so slightly. She glanced over at Lance who appeared to be frozen in place. The big reveal to Matt was never meant to turn out this awkward.

“I'm not joking this time,” Pidge croaked out, “It's Lance.”

Matt's eyes went large for a second before a frown etched it's way onto his features and he turned to glare and point at his supposed brother-in-law.

“Seriously?” he whisper-shouted, looking between the pair of them, “This guy?”

“Hey!” Lance shouted, finally lifting himself off the bed and skulking his way over to the siblings. He lifted up a finger, jabbing it into Matt's chest as he leant forward and scowled at him.

“I'll have you know we're real happy together. Real happy!” he turned to give Pidge a wistful look, “Right, kitten?”

“I guess I always knew you had questionable taste, Pidge,” Matt sighed, looking over to his little sister with a devious smirk, “Like when you had a crush on Simba from the Lion King.”

“Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaatt,” Pidge groaned, knowing he was trying to get a rise out of her.

“Hey!” Lance rushed to her rescue, “Everyone had a crush on Simba! It's weird _**not**_ to have a crush on Simba! Stop insulting my wife!”

“Lance, it's alright. He's just teasing,” Pidge said with a hand to Lance's arm to stop him from getting all up in her brother's face, “And Matt, you too, quit it already. I know you had a crush on Nala.”

Matt seemed to ignore her comment, leaning back in the air with a hand to his chin as he seemed to study Lance.

“Hmm,” he decided to contemplate out loud “I suppose you'll suffice. Welcome to the Holt family,” Matt appeared to be going for a handshake only to suddenly change directory and grab a fistful on Lance's shirt, pulling him forward so their noses were only centimetres apart, “If you ever hurt my little sister I will DESTROY you.”

“Ha... Ha... Pidge... Help.”

Lance wheezed as he dangled helplessly in his shirt. Pidge enjoyed the sight for a moment before rolling her eyes and tugging on Matt's cloak to make him let go.

“Enough of that Matt,” Pidge said, already dragging her brother away from her husband, “I'll take you to meet Kaltenecker. She's our cow.”

“You have a cow?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha...ha...*sweats*  
> sorry it's short... there's a second part coming... i just... need to write it... ive been so distracted... i' m s o r ry


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